On a Rainy Sunday Afternoon..

 I hate Sundays. Especially the ones on the end of my weekend off. Now, most people in the working world have the luxury of a 9-5 job and weekends off. Which makes every Friday bliss and every Monday a chore. But, if you live in the world of the service industry (like myself) weekends off are a rare and treasured thing,
  But, you say, Sunday is still part of the weekend, isn't it? You're still free to do what you want, right?
  Yes, its true. I'm still free from work and still have time to relax, but in my little world, Sundays are always a downer. Its the day that reminds me that the fun is done. That I have to go back to my dull, listless little world. But I guess I should explain a little more, eh?
  This weekend I spent with my boyfriend. We've been together six years and I always love being around him, even if we bicker from time to time. He works overnights and gets the weekend off. And so, with my job, I work mostly days and have to work every other weekend so we only really get to see one another every two weeks (we live in separate towns).
   Well, I stayed over two days and had a lot of fun. We got pizza, watched Harry Potter, went to the mall and just had a good old time. His younger sister and her boyfriend came over Friday night as well and hung out with us for a bit too. And that's when they announced that they had recently gotten engaged a week ago.
   I was so happy for them! I asked how it happened, we gushed about the ring, asked about dates. You know, all the usual things. The two of them were giddy as could be and I couldn't have been more excited for them. But, as always, after they left, my jealousy and depression had to rear their ugly heads again.
  Lately it feels like everyone around me has been getting engaged. My brother and his fiancee, a friend from work, and now even my boyfriend's little sister! I felt crushed! I had always thought that Tyler and I would get engaged long before she ever did. I told my boyfriend this and he just sighed and said, "Can't you just be happy for them?"
   I want to. I so dearly want to. And I am. That poor girl has had the worst luck with relationships and I'm so happy that she found someone who treats her right. But, I can't help but feel as though I'm getting left behind again.
  For nearly three years now, I have been longing and hoping to move on with my life. To get that good job, move out of my parents house, get married or whatever and live the life I've always wanted! I'm nearly twenty four years old and I'm still stuck at my parents house with no hope of getting out. I want to move out with Tyler and move on. And I hate that I have to depend on him going with me because I cannot make it on my own. And he continues to say he's not ready, he doesn't want to yet. And I respect his decision, but I can't turn off my impatience on the matter.
  But I guess I'm rambling now, huh? That's not a great way to explain my hate for Sundays. Weekends like this, where we're left to watch his parents house for the weekend makes me think of what it'd be like for us to be on own, not have to worry about what everyone thinks of us and can just do what we want. And then Sunday morning, having to go back home since he needs to sleep for work and I have to go back to my solitary life, living under my parents' shadows and being treated like a child again. Its the humdrum of my daily life that buries me under the weight of my depression. As my fleeting dreams escape me yet again.
  Oh well, it is what it is. This day will pass again and again.

New Years

     Well, its been a long time since I've posted here. Sadly my little blog here has been sorely neglected. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things on here and try posting regularly. 

     You see, over the past years I've felt that I've changed. Changed from the happy little high-schooler to the now jaded adult of I've become. I feel like I've lost a piece of myself, a center that I can no longer find. I'm hoping to start writing and sharing my thoughts again to hopefully find that piece, recover what was lost. 

    I hate to say it, but I've become miserable in my life, and I feel its much too soon to be this way. I want to find that happiness again and maybe, just maybe, create a new self. Someone who is happier and maybe more at peace with herself. You could say that its sort of my New Year's resolution. As many of my co-workers are so sarcastically stating, "New Year, New You."

    So, here's to the start of my journey. And a hopeful path back to happiness.